Men Women Power & Hype

As we prepare for the arrival of Ramadan, we pause to note the anniversary of the Patriot Act and some events to mark that unhappy occasion. On Thursday, Oct. 23, 2003, 12noon-2pm there will be a Repeal the PATRIOT Act Rally at Columbia College Walk, 116th St and Broadway, Manhattan; students will also demand that the university stop providing government with information on international students. On Friday, Oct. 24, 2003, 4-7pm; An UNBIRTHDAY Bash for the Patriot Act will be held at Judson Memorial Church, 55 Washington Square South, Manhattan, with an afternoon of workshops and spoken word performances. And on Saturday many Muslims and other activists will board buses for the rally in Washington DC.

The voice of Muslims should not be compromised by power and privilege, by bias and error. Insha’Allah we are learning to respect difference and yet assert our own concerns and priorities. We do have various points of view. In the coming month I would like to briefly step aside to let a few of my esteemed colleagues join me up here on my soap-box. I hope they will say a few words, whatever they choose.

But first, with all respect I must take exception to an opinion printed in last week’s The Muslim. My colleague on page 15 of the last issue stated, “There are those who say that regardless of how the women behave the men should conduct themselves with restraint. This is nonsense.” He goes on to say, “if she entices, tempts, lures and teases men she will get what she deserves”. I feel very uncomfortable with this formulation.

I realize Brother George is advocating for men’s rights and for what he sees as proper social relations but I do believe he overstates his points. If we are talking about Muslims, men are indeed expected to uphold a high standard of self-control. Moreover we should not educate our men to believe that they are incapable of self-control. I see that cultures that take this approach overly mystify social relations and create men and women who believe that if they remove one sign of modesty all hell will break lose. But a heart that is truly faithful cannot act violently in this way.

Because we live in a multicultural society there are many opportunities to misread female and male body language. We should not assume we know the expectations and the values of the other. Not long ago men accused of rape could and would argue that “she was asking for it”. It would be deplorable if we were to follow this logic. Clothing, behavior, etc will be read as “tempting” and “teasing” by some and not by others—there is a considerable cultural variation. We must be careful.

That said, I am sympathetic to the notion that man in his essence is oppressed by the conditions of modern society. Probably the majority of us have been educated by western methods, through school and mass media. Many of us would like to be free of the effects – to live our true self, not the life of the socially-created consumer self. This inner truth is glimpsed; we can work towards it with prayer and discipline, and above all a creative and positive self-questioning. Nor is this simply an intellectual game, but something to be experienced deeply, emotionally and physically.

Others before us have left maps of this Path; and of course there is the Sunna. Yet there is an expression; “everyone will hang by his own leg”— that is, we make our own choices, moment to moment. Each is responsible for his or her own soul’s growth.

It may cost us men more than we know to screen and veil eyes from all the beauty we see. But while being in closer touch with our “gendered self” may leave us more sensitive to such sexual attractions, we can also see the human needs of the person, her fragilities and her potential. She is not there as a disposable pleasure-toy.

Yet anyone who attends junior high school and high school here comes across the brutal approach to male-female relations, and I do agree with Brother George that a sense of right and wrong, halal and haram, must be more effectively communicated to youth.

This is a major challenge. The culture of hype, of selling everything through sex, dehumanizes the human, making us all into “commodities” as an outgrowth of unchecked capitalism. Moral people may create markets, but markets do not necessarily create moral people. But instead, perhaps the spiritual logic of Ramadan will help provide something of what we need. Let us see.